Sunday, September 5, 2010

Three Days Later

Well, I've had a bit of a breakdown.  I was fine!  I even managed to crack a joke with my husband as I told him about what happened.  I entered the apartment and said, "well, I have good news: I'm home for the rest of the day!  The bad news is I'm unemployed."  He didn't find the joke amusing.

For three days he marveled at how well I was handling the blow to my ego/income/obsessive need for a plan.  This morning he went back to work and I sat down to play Bejeweled Blitz before making another attempt to find something worth an application on the job-search sites.  After a few games I noticed my vision getting a bit blurry and my face getting wet.  By the time I was able to ask myself, "am I crying?" I was in full-blown hysterics.  *Note:  If you've never had a panic attack, let me warn you:  they're TERRIFYING*  Though I knew rationally that everything was fine--we have some (meager) savings, I still had a paycheck and severance and PTO time due to come in, and it had only been THREE DAYS for Pete's sake--I couldn't shake the overwhelming fear, sadness, and completely irrational shame. 

After scaring the bejeesus out of my eldest cat (and most likely, my neighbors) with my bizarre and guttural sobs, I opted for a cold shower and a dose of Benadryl to calm me the frak down.  Forty-five minutes later I was fine again.

Okay then.  Moral of the story:  If you panic, don't panic.  It'll pass.

No comments:

Post a Comment