Well, I've had a bit of a breakdown. I was fine! I even managed to crack a joke with my husband as I told him about what happened. I entered the apartment and said, "well, I have good news: I'm home for the rest of the day! The bad news is I'm unemployed." He didn't find the joke amusing.
For three days he marveled at how well I was handling the blow to my ego/income/obsessive need for a plan. This morning he went back to work and I sat down to play Bejeweled Blitz before making another attempt to find something worth an application on the job-search sites. After a few games I noticed my vision getting a bit blurry and my face getting wet. By the time I was able to ask myself, "am I crying?" I was in full-blown hysterics. *Note: If you've never had a panic attack, let me warn you: they're TERRIFYING* Though I knew rationally that everything was fine--we have some (meager) savings, I still had a paycheck and severance and PTO time due to come in, and it had only been THREE DAYS for Pete's sake--I couldn't shake the overwhelming fear, sadness, and completely irrational shame.
After scaring the bejeesus out of my eldest cat (and most likely, my neighbors) with my bizarre and guttural sobs, I opted for a cold shower and a dose of Benadryl to calm me the frak down. Forty-five minutes later I was fine again.
Okay then. Moral of the story: If you panic, don't panic. It'll pass.
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